Some jokes in english

[M14ka]

We were leaving a football game in a throng of people, and my husband, who never displays affection in public, took my hand.
I was delighted. As we walked hand in hand out of the stadium, I look up at him, smiling, and asked, "You don't want to lose me?"
"No," he said. "I don't want to look for you."

[M14ka]

A friend of mine who was willed an expensive fur coat by a relative wore it proudly to church.... while there, one man asked her "and what unfortunate creature had to die in order for you to wear the coat?"
Glaring at him, she responded, "My aunt"

[M14ka]

An insurance agent talking to a prospective client at her home pointed to an exquisite vase on the mantel.
"Do you keep anything in it?" he asked.
"Yes -- my husband's ashes."
"I'm so sorry," apologized the agent. "I didn't know he was deceased."
"He isn't -- he just too lazy to hunt for an ashtray."

[M14ka]

We were discussing reincarnation, and most of us were thinking of coming back as doctors, lawyers, actresses. Then one friend broke the trend: "I'd like to come back as a bear," she said.
"Why?" we asked.
"I would finally have a fur coat, I would sleep all winter -- and I wouldn't have to worry about my waistline."

[sanjiva]

We were discussing reincarnation, and most of us were thinking of coming back as doctors, lawyers, actresses. Then one friend broke the trend: "I'd like to come back as a bear," she said.
"Why?" we asked.
"I would finally have a fur coat, I would sleep all winter -- and I wouldn't have to worry about my waistline."

Something that's in all ladies mind and wish. 

[M14ka]

A mother and son were washing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the den. Suddenly, there was a crash of breaking dishes, then complete silence.
The girl looked at her father and said, "It was Mom."
"How do you know?"
"She didn't say anything"

[M14ka]

Some English friends sent thier youngster to stay with a family in Holland. Before he left, they lectured him not to be a little Englander and to respect Dutch customs, whatever they might be.
All went well until he was asked what he thought of the cheese he had had for breakfast. "Tastes a bit like soap," he said without thinking.
Remembering his promise to his parents, he recovered adroitly, "Not that I don't like soap."

[M14ka]

During my first day managing the kitchen of an old plantation restaurant, I noticed that one of the waiters was always smiling. After several days passed he still wore a cheerful grin, so I decided to ask what his secret was.
"You must be a happy man," I Said. "How do you always keep smiling?"
He relaxed his smile and held his finger to his forehead. "Actually," he replied, "It's the only way to hold up my glasses while I work."

[sanjiva]

During my first day managing the kitchen of an old plantation restaurant, I noticed that one of the waiters was always smiling. After several days passed he still wore a cheerful grin, so I decided to ask what his secret was.
"You must be a happy man," I Said. "How do you always keep smiling?"
He relaxed his smile and held his finger to his forehead. "Actually," he replied, "It's the only way to hold up my glasses while I work."

Yg ini gw kurang ngerti, glasses di situ kacamata atau gelas?  dan mengapa harus di-hold pake pipi? 

[Lex Chan]

Yg ini gw kurang ngerti, glasses di situ kacamata atau gelas?  dan mengapa harus di-hold pake pipi? 

glasses di sini artinya kacamata. dia senyum lebar supaya kacamatanya ngga jatuh.

[DragonHung]

K. E. P. O.

       
(Knowing Every Particulary Object)

[sanjiva]

glasses di sini artinya kacamata. dia senyum lebar supaya kacamatanya ngga jatuh.

Kenapa bisa jatuh kalo ada gagang kacamata yg nyantel di telinga?  Kecuali dia ga punya telinga 

I still don't got it. 

[M14ka]

Kenapa bisa jatuh kalo ada gagang kacamata yg nyantel di telinga?  Kecuali dia ga punya telinga 

I still don't got it. 

mungkin kacamatanya kebesaran wkwkwk....

[M14ka]

A woman who called at our house selling goods for a charity had a cut finger that was bleeding profusely. I suggested she come in and have it attended to. This she did.
About 20 minutes later, another woman representing the same charity came to the door. I explained that someone had already called, and without thinking added, "As the matter of fact, that's her blood on the doorstep."
No wonder the poor woman beat a hasty retreat.

[Lex Chan]

Kenapa bisa jatuh kalo ada gagang kacamata yg nyantel di telinga?  Kecuali dia ga punya telinga 

I still don't got it. 

kira2 begini ilustrasinya:



kalo dia ga senyum, pipinya ga melebar.. sehingga kacamatanya melorot..