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Offline Hikoza83

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Re: Some jokes in english
« Reply #75 on: 01 May 2008, 06:47:53 AM »
Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,
"My Mobile No. Has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610"

============ ========= ========= ======
Ah Beng : I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.

============ ========= ========= ========= ===
Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.

============ ========= ========= ========= ====
Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Ah Beng : No, I'll also stay with your sister.

============ ========= ========= ========= ==
Ah Beng : People consider me as a "GOD"
Wife: How do you know??
Ah Beng : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD! U have come again.

============ ========= ========= ========= ====
Ah Beng complained to the police: "Sir, all items are missing, except the TV in my house."
Police: "How the thief did not take TV?"
Ah Beng : "I was watching TV news..."

============ ========= ========= ========= ==
Ah Beng  comes back 2 his car & find a note saying "Parking Fine"
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole "Thanks for compliment."

============ ========= ========= ========= ======
How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.

============ ========= ========= ========= ========
Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Ah Beng  in a bar and his cellular phone rings.
He picks it up and Says "Hello, how did you know I was here?"

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ===
Ah Beng : Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Beng  - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ===
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng : The future tense is "u will go to jail"

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= =====
Ah Beng told his servant: "Go and water the plants!"
Servant: "It's already raining."
Ah Beng : "So what? Take an umbrella and go."

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= =====
A man asked Ah Beng why Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the Evening and not in the morning 
Ah Beng replied Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM

 :)) :)) :)) :)) :))
ade2 aje Suhu.  ;D
tambahan catatan : nama dan kejadian hanya fiktif belaka. jika ada kesamaan nama tokoh dan kejadian, hal itu hanya kebetulan. :P
btw, temen gw ade yg namanya Ah Beng. =))


By : Zen
Aku akan melaksanakannya dengan tubuhku,
Karena apa gunanya hanya membaca kata-kata belaka?
Apakah mempelajari obat-obatan saja
Dapat menyembuhkan yang sakit?
[Bodhicaryavatara, Bodhisattva Shantideva]

Offline Sumedho

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Re: Some jokes in english
« Reply #76 on: 02 May 2008, 05:10:10 PM »
Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover after the night of his office
Christmas party. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing
he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side
table. And, next to them, a single red rose!
Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He takes the aspirins,
cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the
bathroom mirror, and notices a note on the table, "Breakfast is on the
stove, I left early to go shopping -- Love you, Jill"
He stumbles to the kitchen, and sure enough, there is breakfast and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating.
Jack asks, "What happened last night?"
Jack's son answers, "Well, you came home after 3 a.m., drunk out
of your mind. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and got
that black eye when you ran into the door."
Jack says, "So, why a red rose, and breakfast on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off,
you screamed, "'Leave me alone, lady, I'm married!'"

·        Broken furniture - $ 885.26
·        Hot breakfast - $4.20
·        Red rose bud - $3.00
·        Two aspirins - $0.38
·        Saying the right thing, at the right time . . . .Priceless…
There is no place like 127.0.0.1

Offline Lex Chan

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Re: Some jokes in english
« Reply #77 on: 02 May 2008, 05:15:53 PM »
·        Saying the right thing, at the right time . . . .Priceless…

Even though saying it unconsciously? :))
“Give the world the best you have and you may get hurt. Give the world your best anyway”
-Mother Teresa-

Offline Sumedho

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Re: Some jokes in english
« Reply #78 on: 02 May 2008, 05:32:17 PM »
still it's priceless, better than saying something stupid, either consciously or inconsciously. :))
There is no place like 127.0.0.1

Offline Hikoza83

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Re: Some jokes in english
« Reply #79 on: 03 May 2008, 06:12:56 PM »
Kids in school think quick... ;D
________________________________________
TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS : Maria!
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
FRANK : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
TEACHER : John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __

TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D- A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
GLENN : Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD : H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
DONALD : Yesterday you said it's H to O!
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __

TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE : Me!
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
TEACHER : Goss, why do you ! always get so dirty?
GOSS : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE : I is...
TEACHER : No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
TINO : Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
TEACHER : George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
LOUIS : Because George still had the ax in his hand.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
TEACHER : Clyde , your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog!;
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _
TEACHER : Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD : A teacher.
Aku akan melaksanakannya dengan tubuhku,
Karena apa gunanya hanya membaca kata-kata belaka?
Apakah mempelajari obat-obatan saja
Dapat menyembuhkan yang sakit?
[Bodhicaryavatara, Bodhisattva Shantideva]

Offline Hikoza83

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Re: Some jokes in english
« Reply #80 on: 07 May 2008, 11:12:55 PM »
Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors [joke]

“If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades,” boasts Gates, “you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour. Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50.”

“Sure,” says the GM chairman. “But would you really want to drive a car that crashes four times a day?”
===
Q: What did Gates’ wife say to him on their wedding night?
A: Now I know why you called your company Micro-soft.
===
Q: What is the first computer ever invented?
A: Apple. Coz in the garden of Eden, Eve already touched & ate the apple.

http://wanhart.wordpress.com/2008/03/26/bill-gates-is-hanging-out-with-the-chairman-of-general-motors/
Aku akan melaksanakannya dengan tubuhku,
Karena apa gunanya hanya membaca kata-kata belaka?
Apakah mempelajari obat-obatan saja
Dapat menyembuhkan yang sakit?
[Bodhicaryavatara, Bodhisattva Shantideva]

Offline Lex Chan

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Re: Some jokes in english
« Reply #81 on: 07 May 2008, 11:25:07 PM »
Q: What is the first computer ever invented?
A: Apple. Coz in the garden of Eden, Eve already touched & ate the apple.

I don't understand this joke.. ???
“Give the world the best you have and you may get hurt. Give the world your best anyway”
-Mother Teresa-

Offline Lex Chan

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Re: Some jokes in english
« Reply #82 on: 17 June 2008, 11:33:41 AM »
WARNING: Beer Contains Female Hormones

Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.

Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption.

The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.

To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period.

It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:
1. Argued over nothing. 8)
2. Refused to apologize when obviously wrong. :D
3. Gained weight. ;D
4. Talked excessively without making sense. :-?
5. Became overly emotional. :-[
6. Couldn't drive.. :whistle:
7. Failed to think rationally. ^-^
8. Had to sit down while urinating. ::)
“Give the world the best you have and you may get hurt. Give the world your best anyway”
-Mother Teresa-

Offline Lex Chan

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Re: Some jokes in english
« Reply #83 on: 17 June 2008, 12:27:12 PM »
Deadlock Situation

Boss said to secretary: For a week we will go abroad, so make arrangement.

Secretary make call to Husband: For a week my boss and I will be going abroad, you look after yourself.

Husband make call to secret lover: My wife is going abroad for a week, so lets spend the week together.

Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving private tuition: I have work for a week, so you need not come for class.

Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, for a week I don't have class 'coz my teacher is busy. Lets spend the week together.

Grandpa (the 1st boss) make call to his secretary: This week I am spending my time with my grandson. We cannot attend that meeting.

Secretary make call to her husband: This week my boss has some work, we canceled our trip.

Husband make call to secret lover: We cannot spend this week together, my wife has canceled her trip.

Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving private tuition: This week we will have class as usual.

Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, my teacher said this week I have to attend class. Sorry I can't give you company.

Grandpa make call to his secretary: Don't worry this week we will attend that meeting, so make arrangement... so on... ^-^
“Give the world the best you have and you may get hurt. Give the world your best anyway”
-Mother Teresa-

Offline Lex Chan

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Re: Some jokes in english
« Reply #84 on: 17 June 2008, 11:13:44 PM »
“Give the world the best you have and you may get hurt. Give the world your best anyway”
-Mother Teresa-

Offline uwi

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Re: Joke campuran
« Reply #85 on: 29 June 2008, 10:33:47 PM »
FROGS

“Hey, can I ask you something? Why do human children dissect us?”
“It’s part of their education. They cut open our bodies in school and write reports about their findings.”
“Huh. Well, I guess it could be worse, right? I mean, at least we’re not dying in vain.”
“How do you figure?”
“Well, our deaths are furthering the spread of knowledge. It’s a huge sacrifice we’re making, but at least some good comes out of it.”
“Let me show you something.”
“What’s this?”
“It’s a frog-dissection report.”
“Who wrote it?”
“A fourteen-year-old human from New York City. Some kid named Simon.”
(Flipping through it.) “This is it? This is the whole thing?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Geez. It doesn’t look like he put a lot of time into this.”
“Look at the diagram on the last page.”
“Oh, my God . . . it’s so crude. It’s almost as if he wasn’t even looking down at the paper while he was drawing it. Like he was watching TV or something.”
“Read the conclusion.”
“ ‘In conclusion, frogs are a scientific wonder of biology.’ What does that even mean?”
“It doesn’t mean anything.”
“Why are the margins so big?”
“He was trying to make it look as if he had written five pages, even though he had only written four.”
“He couldn’t come up with one more page of observations about our dead bodies?”
“I guess not.”
“This paragraph looks like it was copied straight out of an encyclopedia. I’d be shocked if he retained any of this information.”
“Did you see that he spelled ‘science’ wrong in the heading?”
“Whoa . . . I missed that. That’s incredible.”
“He didn’t even bother to run it through spell-check.”
“Who did he dissect?”
“Harold.”
“Betsy’s husband? . So this is why Harold was killed. To produce this . . . ‘report.’ ”
(Nods.) “This is why his life was taken from him.”
(Long pause.)
“Well, at least it has a cover sheet.”
“Yeah. The plastic’s a nice touch.”
"Etam mama, eso hamasmi, eso me atta 'ti."

Offline Sumedho

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Re: Some jokes in english
« Reply #86 on: 10 July 2008, 05:48:13 AM »
Religious Husband

A HUSBAND COMES HOME FROM CHURCH;
 
HE GREETS HIS WIFE AND LIFTS HER UP. HE THEN CARRIED HER AROUND THE HOUSE.

THE WIFE WAS SO SURPRISED AND SHE ASKED
'DID THE BISHOP PREACH ABOUT BEING ROMANTIC'?

THE HUSBAND SAID, 'NO, HE SAID WE MUST CARRY OUR BURDENS AND SORROWS'..
 
 
There is no place like 127.0.0.1

Offline Sumedho

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Re: Some jokes in english
« Reply #87 on: 10 July 2008, 05:51:04 AM »
How technology change us

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Re: Some jokes in english
« Reply #88 on: 11 July 2008, 01:53:45 PM »


THE SUCCESS OF MARRIAGE

Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage
anniversary.

They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their
period of 25 years.
Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret
of their well known "happy going marriage".

Editor: " Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible?

Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said:

"We had been to Shimla (hillstation in India) for honeymoon after marriage.
Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on
different horses.

My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to
be a crazy one.

On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over.

Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and
said "This is your first time".

She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it
happened again.

This time she again kept calm and said "This is your second time" and
continued.

When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver
from the purse and shot the horse dead !!

I shouted at my wife: "What did you do you psycho. You killed the poor
animal. Are you crazy?" ..

She gave a silent look and said: "This is your first time!!!"."

Husband: "That's it. We are happy ever after. "
There is no place like 127.0.0.1

Offline Sumedho

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Re: Some jokes in english
« Reply #89 on: 11 July 2008, 01:54:58 PM »
She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Peter and his flat mate than met the eye.

 Reading his mum's thoughts, Peter volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Simon & I are just flat mates".

About a week later, Simon came to Peter saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the frying pan, you don't suppose she took it do you?

"Well I doubt it, but I'll e-mail her just to be sure" said Peter. So he sat down and wrote:
DEAR MOTHER,

I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DID" TAKE THE FRYING PAN FROM MY HOUSE. I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DID NOT" TAKE THE FRYING PAN BUT THE FACT REMAINS
THAT IT HAS BEEN MISSING EVER SINCE YOU WERE HERE FOR DINNER.
LOVE PETER

Several days later, Peter received an email from his mother which read:
DEAR SON,
I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DO" SLEEP WITH SIMON, AND I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DO NOT" SLEEP WITH SIMON, BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IF HE WAS SLEEPING IN HIS OWN BED, HE WOULD HAVE FOUND THE F**KING FRYING PAN BY NOW.

LOVE MUM

Lesson of the day,

NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER
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