//honeypot demagogic

 Forum DhammaCitta. Forum Diskusi Buddhis Indonesia

Author Topic: Some jokes in english  (Read 87169 times)

0 Members and 2 Guests are viewing this topic.

Offline bluppy

  • KalyanaMitta
  • *****
  • Posts: 1.163
  • Reputasi: 65
  • Gender: Female
Re: Some jokes in english
« Reply #135 on: 20 October 2012, 06:21:33 PM »
Views on Shit

Taoism:
Shit happens.

Buddhism:
If shit happens, it's not really shit.

Islam:
If shit happens, it's the will of Allah.

Protestantism:
Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.

Judaism:
Why does this shit always happen to us?

Hinduism:
This shit happened before.

Catholicism:
Shit happens because you're bad.

Hare Krishna:
Shit happens rama rama.

T.V. Evangelism:
Send more shit.

Atheism:
No shit.

Jehova's Witness:
Knock knock, shit happens.

Hedonism:
There's nothing like a good shit happening.

Christian Science:
Shit happens in your mind.

Agnosticism:
Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't.

Rastafarianism:
Let's smoke this shit.

Existentialism:
What is shit anyway?

Stoicism:
This shit doesn't bother me.

Offline Mas Tidar

  • KalyanaMitta
  • *****
  • Posts: 3.262
  • Reputasi: 82
  • Gender: Male
Re: Some jokes in english
« Reply #136 on: 20 October 2012, 07:41:18 PM »

Indonesian
You have 2 cows
their live will be no longer after 26th Oct

Spoiler: ShowHide
The World explained by 2 cows…

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.


COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows
The State takes both and gives you some milk.


FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.


BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other and then throws the milk away.


TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.


VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.


AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has died.


A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.


AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.


A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.


A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.


AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.


A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.


AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
Nobody believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows but at least you are now a Democracy.


AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.


A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.


A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows borrowed from French and German banks.
You eat both of them.
The banks call to collect their milk, but you cannot deliver so you call the IMF.
The IMF loans you two cows.
You eat both of them.
The banks and the IMF call to collect their cows/milk.
You are out getting a haircut.

Saccena me samo natthi, Esa me saccaparamiti

"One who sees the Dhamma sees me. One who sees me sees the Dhamma." Buddha

Offline bluppy

  • KalyanaMitta
  • *****
  • Posts: 1.163
  • Reputasi: 65
  • Gender: Female
Re: Some jokes in english
« Reply #137 on: 22 October 2012, 05:54:04 PM »

Offline M14ka

  • KalyanaMitta
  • *****
  • Posts: 4.821
  • Reputasi: 94
  • Gender: Female
  • Live your best life!! ^^
Re: Whats Matter Honey...?
« Reply #138 on: 24 October 2012, 03:20:11 PM »
A wife awoke early one morning to the sounds of her husband angrily banging around pots and pans in the kitchens.

When she goes downstairs, she sees that he is looking for something to eat but, more importantly, is very upset about something.


"What's the problem, darling? Didn't your program work?"

"It worked. I wrote that code until the wee hours of the morning, and it worked!"


"Then what's the matter? Were there a lot of bugs in it?"

"I took special pains to eliminate the bugs. It worked, and it worked perfectly!"


"So what's wrong?"

"I was so tired when I finished, I decided to take a little nap, just for a few minutes."


"Did you not sleep well? Did you have a nightmare?" the concerned wife inquired.

"No, I slept perfectly well ... with my head on the backspace key."

He must have forgot to back up  :))
(grammarnya benar ga ya? )
« Last Edit: 24 October 2012, 03:23:34 PM by M14ka »

Offline will_i_am

  • KalyanaMitta
  • *****
  • Posts: 5.163
  • Reputasi: 155
  • Gender: Male
Re: Some jokes in english
« Reply #139 on: 24 October 2012, 03:59:03 PM »
forgotten  :)
hiduplah hanya pada hari ini, jangan mengkhawatirkan masa depan ataupun terpuruk dalam masa lalu.
berbahagialah akan apa yang anda miliki, jangan mengejar keinginan akan memiliki
_/\_

Offline M14ka

  • KalyanaMitta
  • *****
  • Posts: 4.821
  • Reputasi: 94
  • Gender: Female
  • Live your best life!! ^^
Re: Some jokes in english
« Reply #140 on: 24 October 2012, 04:05:13 PM »
Sptnya forgot jg bole deh...  :-?
for·got
   [fer-got] Show IPA
verb
a simple past tense and past participle of forget.

source

Offline will_i_am

  • KalyanaMitta
  • *****
  • Posts: 5.163
  • Reputasi: 155
  • Gender: Male
Re: Some jokes in english
« Reply #141 on: 24 October 2012, 08:53:21 PM »
Sptnya forgot jg bole deh...  :-?
for·got
   [fer-got] Show IPA
verb
a simple past tense and past participle of forget.

source
bisa juga ya... ;D
hiduplah hanya pada hari ini, jangan mengkhawatirkan masa depan ataupun terpuruk dalam masa lalu.
berbahagialah akan apa yang anda miliki, jangan mengejar keinginan akan memiliki
_/\_

Offline M14ka

  • KalyanaMitta
  • *****
  • Posts: 4.821
  • Reputasi: 94
  • Gender: Female
  • Live your best life!! ^^
Re: Whats Matter Honey...?
« Reply #142 on: 25 October 2012, 08:36:54 AM »
He must have forgot to back up  :))

atau he must have forgot to make a back up file.  :-?

Offline Mas Tidar

  • KalyanaMitta
  • *****
  • Posts: 3.262
  • Reputasi: 82
  • Gender: Male
I was going to kill myself today !!!
« Reply #143 on: 26 October 2012, 10:58:05 AM »
I was going to kill myself today by taking a thousand aspirin. But after taking the first two I felt better.  ;D
Saccena me samo natthi, Esa me saccaparamiti

"One who sees the Dhamma sees me. One who sees me sees the Dhamma." Buddha

Offline Mas Tidar

  • KalyanaMitta
  • *****
  • Posts: 3.262
  • Reputasi: 82
  • Gender: Male
onion ?
« Reply #144 on: 26 October 2012, 10:58:54 AM »
An opinion without 3.142 is onion
Saccena me samo natthi, Esa me saccaparamiti

"One who sees the Dhamma sees me. One who sees me sees the Dhamma." Buddha

Offline will_i_am

  • KalyanaMitta
  • *****
  • Posts: 5.163
  • Reputasi: 155
  • Gender: Male
Re: onion ?
« Reply #145 on: 26 October 2012, 11:40:40 AM »
Man:    "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"

God:    "So you would love her."

Man:    "But God, why did you make her so dumb?"

God:    "So she would love you."


« Last Edit: 26 October 2012, 11:46:37 AM by will_i_am »
hiduplah hanya pada hari ini, jangan mengkhawatirkan masa depan ataupun terpuruk dalam masa lalu.
berbahagialah akan apa yang anda miliki, jangan mengejar keinginan akan memiliki
_/\_

Offline Sumedho

  • Kebetulan
  • Administrator
  • KalyanaMitta
  • *****
  • Posts: 12.401
  • Reputasi: 423
  • Gender: Male
  • not self
Re: Some jokes in english
« Reply #146 on: 26 October 2012, 08:55:54 PM »
A: Hi there, do you want to know god?
B: ok
A: Nice to meet you!
There is no place like 127.0.0.1

Offline Indra

  • Global Moderator
  • KalyanaMitta
  • *****
  • Posts: 14.565
  • Reputasi: 451
  • Gender: Male
Re: Some jokes in english
« Reply #147 on: 26 October 2012, 08:59:35 PM »
A: Hi there, do you want to know god?
B: ok
A: Nice to meet you!


mentang2 tuhan

Offline will_i_am

  • KalyanaMitta
  • *****
  • Posts: 5.163
  • Reputasi: 155
  • Gender: Male
Re: Some jokes in english
« Reply #148 on: 26 October 2012, 09:02:39 PM »
A: Hi there, do you want to know god?
B: ok
A: Nice to meet you!
:hammer:

:)) :)) :))
hiduplah hanya pada hari ini, jangan mengkhawatirkan masa depan ataupun terpuruk dalam masa lalu.
berbahagialah akan apa yang anda miliki, jangan mengejar keinginan akan memiliki
_/\_

Offline M14ka

  • KalyanaMitta
  • *****
  • Posts: 4.821
  • Reputasi: 94
  • Gender: Female
  • Live your best life!! ^^
Re: Some jokes in english
« Reply #149 on: 27 October 2012, 09:19:17 AM »
A: Hi there, do you want to know god?
B: ok
A: Nice to meet you!

Nice to meet you too  lovely god :))

 

anything