[at] home, 09.21 PM, counting down 2 hours, 39 minutes..dunno how many seconds to my 28....
hmmm....last year..feb 08..was the worst day in my life...
My mind, heart, n body wasnt comfortable, many problems, were struggling in my minds, never focus on a thing, couldnt sleep 4 3 months..
That was the nightmares began....
I made a huge mistakes on working...lost couple million rps....company money, coz of my unaccuracy of price details....
Since then...I was been haunted of the mistakes that i made...should I be honest n told the boss? or I kept silent til the end, and walk out frm there ASAP? those bad minds were struggling n made me so confused...
At the end, with my hugest fear...I resign as fast as I could, I was avoiding people, I was frustrated, depressed, till every1 gave me suggestions but I couldnt accept it or at least thought about it...I denied everything, dun wanna knw evrythin around me, my focus was wht I felt, the sickness that i felt at my mind, n body, all parts were hurt, I became so thin...I lost 10 kg in just 1-2months...
Full of stresss....
After resign, I was gettin rest at home, I had told my fams, that I was stress n need rest for clearin my mind n heart at home, they understood, finally, n dun think me crazy like at the beginning....
Formerly, my sis also get the same condition with me, I know persisly how is the signs....In My mind, OMG....I aware...I had been full depressed, and If i was still hang on in this situation, I would totally get crazy, being a crazy person...n hospitalized!!
I dun wanna tis happened!
I wanted to fight backkkkk......
Thats why, I was turning back my mind to dhamma....Trying n had a big effort to meditate, read many books of dhamma, although at that moment, I coudlnt focus, everythin that I read would be totally forgotten, that pathetic!
That also made me not confidence wth my self, I alwayd looked down on my self....
I fear to meet others people, exp they who knw me well...wouldnt knw my differences changes.... They saw me differently ..n at their face ...seemed like a big question mark was displayed!
Fams gave big supports, esp mom...who always at home, dealing wth me...I went to psychatris/psycolog for curing my "illness", we had consultation, in my surprise, the doctor was a buddhism either, he encouraged me to looked back at dhamma, kept releasing on carma n dhamma around me, didnt push my self wth my needs, EGO, but facing the reality of life, except it as that was the real thing ...
To meditate, to get reflection, instropection wth wht had been happened in my life that days... to fight back n get back to my normal life, gave me some medicine.....
I realized, wht the doctor said was true!absolutely true... I had told him, I know wht the cause of my depressed thing, I was struggling to fight, but I said it was HARD enough!!i kept tryin to meditate...concentrate but i kept fail either..n in a higher limit, maximal limit....I had gave up..
But maybe finally good carma had come, one of my fren, borrow me a inspirational book THE SECRET, that change my mind wth everythinggg....
I had realized, why could I be like that day, becoz my wants is not balanced wth the reality, I got dissapointed, n that killed my minds, n hearts, I couldnt be calm or concentrate in anything............
Everythin that happened to me, is like the magnet that attracting others things from just u think, it was attracting wht did u think became reality... that was why, I learned to watchout to wht i thought, coz that could be the future n reality!!!
Soon, I became more confidence, I made my goal of life, that be4 I had but nvr I tried to accomplish seriously, I become more passion in life, although be4 I had plan once to suicide, thought I was became a unuseful person, gave burden to all fams...
I know my life is meaningful, n I wouldnt give up to anything...I opened my mind....
I kept eatin my medicine regularly, keep in touch wth my friends at inet, that they asked why u "lost" an no news be4, I was tellin them the truth, while I stil trying did dhamma n meditate...as much as i could, I wanna made it as a good habit, I knew, I wanted to make my fams happy with my progress, for that, I had to keep fighting.......
I started to gain my confindence to apply the vacancies at newspaper or internet, I was gettin some interviews, til I finally hired n worked at MGK for 2 months, everythin become good n positive, if I want it to be happen!!
My personality is getting better then, Im socialized again!be4, I ashame becoz my stress thing, n broke circumtances, I was closing my self frm all people, coz I didnt had any money to buy pulsa or reply their smses to me, thanks my sis, who always gave her supports by borrowing their money to me...
And today, past 1 year n 4 months.....1 hours 7 minutes again be4 my 28...
Im facing the same condition, jobless 4 2 months, no money, not being broke...like that time...but there are so big differences...
My hearts, my mind, My soul...is so happy...n really alive, although I dont hv everything...but I feel so lucky n being so blessful, appreciate n thank god 4 everything that came in my way, my life....
Thats makes me stronger, n tougher...
Nw, I can encourage other people who had the same thing wth me, being jobless...to always do the best n never give up....
One year older, I assume, I had goals that I wanna reach....Being wiser, wise in thinking, doing, saying, also better personality ...nice EQ, Im easily have bad temper...
In my older age, I wish, I can stand on my feet, being independent, more trusted by my parents, being loved by frenz n fams, wanna give more to other people who are not as lucky as I am, I had a warm home, complete parents, bro n sis that love n support me wth their own way, that maybe hard to understand, but I knw the good n + purpose, I want to be a + magnet, to could attract other people to be as good or + like I try to...
But The real thing is I want a Job!! So I can have money to spend 4 my self, n others......it is true that money cant give u everything, but money support u to get wht u want, but dont get too much depending on money n being materialistic....
Im realized........all good things will come, if u give n fertilize it wth the good condition either.....
I hope, Im sharing this bored story, to open up all people's mind, that I proud to be a buddhism, in My worst part of my life, Dhamma always in my way, helping me.....
Thats why....although I dun wanna be re-born again, if I have a good carma n opportunity to be a human again, I want to be a buddhism again....
BBU all ...sabbe satta bhavantu sukhitata^^
ai-shi-te.tris
dunno what to speak.. that life, anicca, dukkha, anatta.
glad u are already back..
i also happy even i dont't have much money or treasury.. :))
money is important but dont everything, right? ;D
Greeting.
yuppe
u get my point so well....
hahhaha
dun be materialistic, bro!
Quote from: Nanda on 09 June 2009, 11:37:09 PM
dunno what to speak.. that life, anicca, dukkha, anatta.
glad u are already back..
i also happy even i dont't have much money or treasury.. :))
money is important but dont everything, right? ;D
Greeting.
Saya baru kenal sama nana, tak tahu kalau kamu sudah mengalami perjuangan berat, na. Terus berjuang yah, tetap semangat...kalau memang tipe pekerjaan angka2 kurang cocok buat nana, banting setir putar haluan. Itu akan lebih baik daripada kamu dikejar2 rasa bersalah, dan membuat kesalahan lagi atau menjadikan nana tidak bisa bersosialisasi baik dengan lingkungan sekitar. Akhirnya, hal ini jadi suatu lingkaran setan penderitaan nana....
Obat2 macam apa yang kamu konsumsi? Saya harap tidak menimbulkan efek dependen terhadap obat2an itu..
Walau rajin meditasi adalah bagus, tapi jangan memaksakan diri. Ingat, sang Buddha bilang jalan tengah, bukan penyiksaan diri.
Tetap semangat, na. Kamu hebat sudah mengalami kemajuan. Ingat, kemajuan didapat selangkah demi selangkah. Jangan putus asa ya..mengalami problem sama/serupa tapi memahaminya dengan sudut pandang berbeda yang lebih bijaksana, itu tandanya kamu selangkah menuju kedewasaan...
Akhir kata, happy birthday nana. I wish you all the best. Semoga semua yang kamu cita2kan dapat tercapai. Semoga semua hal berjalan lancar untuk nana...
Happy b'day, nana..
Wish u all the best <:-P
Happy B'day... :)
arrhhhhh...... Ketidurannn.. :'(
padahal mo buat di Seremonial.......
<:-P <:-P <:-P <:-P <:-P <:-P <:-P <:-P <:-P <:-P <:-P <:-P
Met Berdey juga ya ci Nana..... <:-P <:-P <:-P <:-P <:-P <:-P <:-P
<:-P <:-P <:-P <:-P <:-P <:-P <:-P <:-P <:-P <:-P <:-P <:-P
yang 28 yak............. 2 taon lagi kepala tiga :))
Happy B'Day nana , wish u all the best .. :lotus:
hepi betsudei
Ikut dunk
Happy b'day ci2,
semoga cici selalu berbahagia
terhindar dari penderitaan batin dan fisik
semoga semua makhluk berbahagia
:lotus: _/\_
Quote from: aitristina on 09 June 2009, 11:14:59 PM
I hope, Im sharing this bored story, to open up all people's mind, that I proud to be a buddhism, in My worst part of my life, Dhamma always in my way, helping me.....
Thats why....although I dun wanna be re-born again, if I have a good carma n opportunity to be a human again, I want to be a buddhism again....
so do I, sis Nana..
your story makes my tears falling down when I read the statement that I've quote above..
I wish u have a wonderful birthday, to my sista... aitristina... _/\_
Keep smiling eventhough ur heart is crying a lot..
Quote from: Elin on 10 June 2009, 02:21:19 PM
Quote from: aitristina on 09 June 2009, 11:14:59 PM
I hope, Im sharing this bored story, to open up all people's mind, that I proud to be a buddhism, in My worst part of my life, Dhamma always in my way, helping me.....
Thats why....although I dun wanna be re-born again, if I have a good carma n opportunity to be a human again, I want to be a buddhism again....
so do I, sis Nana..
your story makes my tears falling down when I read the statement that I've quote above..
lebayy....... :whistle:
Quote from: hatRed on 10 June 2009, 02:52:56 PM
lebayy....... :whistle:
:hammer: emang beneraaan!
Elin kan wanita... Wanita tuh punya 1001 perasaan tau... 8)
Semoga berkah dan kebaikan akan selalu mengikuti dan membawa kebahagiaan.
Jaga dan kendalikan indera, dengan tanpa konflik dan beban maka ketenangan terkondisi, kebahagiaan dari pelepasan bisa tercapai.
Happy Birthday.. >:)< :x :-*
hahahhahha
dulunya g suka banget ama angka2 ...matematika, akun, pajak gue jagonya but everything is not everlasting ...everything could changee...
g bs salah..krn g manusia...yang msh bs terpengaruh oleh banyak hal...banyak pikiran gak teliti getu deh...
thanks 4 ur support...
memang banyak pengalaman gak baik, yang g alamin...tapi itu gak sebanding sm mereka yg yatim piatu, tdr dijembatan, hrs ngamen dsbnya....
Im still The LUCKIEST PERSON....
I have frenz n families in need n indeed hehhe
Like dhamma said "dukkha was the way to have happiness" we can survive n being tougher than be4...
Quote from: Yuri-chan on 09 June 2009, 11:50:24 PM
Saya baru kenal sama nana, tak tahu kalau kamu sudah mengalami perjuangan berat, na. Terus berjuang yah, tetap semangat...kalau memang tipe pekerjaan angka2 kurang cocok buat nana, banting setir putar haluan. Itu akan lebih baik daripada kamu dikejar2 rasa bersalah, dan membuat kesalahan lagi atau menjadikan nana tidak bisa bersosialisasi baik dengan lingkungan sekitar. Akhirnya, hal ini jadi suatu lingkaran setan penderitaan nana....
Obat2 macam apa yang kamu konsumsi? Saya harap tidak menimbulkan efek dependen terhadap obat2an itu..
Walau rajin meditasi adalah bagus, tapi jangan memaksakan diri. Ingat, sang Buddha bilang jalan tengah, bukan penyiksaan diri.
Tetap semangat, na. Kamu hebat sudah mengalami kemajuan. Ingat, kemajuan didapat selangkah demi selangkah. Jangan putus asa ya..mengalami problem sama/serupa tapi memahaminya dengan sudut pandang berbeda yang lebih bijaksana, itu tandanya kamu selangkah menuju kedewasaan...
Akhir kata, happy birthday nana. I wish you all the best. Semoga semua yang kamu cita2kan dapat tercapai. Semoga semua hal berjalan lancar untuk nana...
[at] yumi, upasaka, FT, hatred, lophenk, forte, elin....
thanks for the greetings!! :'( thrill til cryin out loudddd
well....I really happy ...at this year...many of my frenz greet me...by FB, Fs, or send cards....u dunno how much it means to me... :x
although I had to reply their greets/comments, one by one...almost maybe 20 or more...whew! but Im happy to do it...it makes me fly to the seventh sky wakakkaka :-[
mentok ke langit2 kale... =))
2 hatrettt...duh jangan diingetin 2 thn lage ituuuuu.....msh lamaaaaaaaa....gak mau cepet2 pecah ke angka 3 ahhhhhh :P
Quote from: Yumi on 10 June 2009, 08:34:41 PM
Happy Birthday.. >:)< :x :-*
hmmm ditujukan pada siapa yaaaaah? heheh
ke semua mahluk khan?
thanks ... bahasanya tingkat tinggi....oi!!
moga g, mahluk yang masih dikuasai ole hawa nafsu dan tanha ini...dapat perlahan tp pasti mewujudkannya...mengendalikan indera...sehingga menjadi tenang dan batin seimbang sehingga dapat bahagia...
Quote from: Sumedho on 10 June 2009, 06:59:37 PM
Semoga berkah dan kebaikan akan selalu mengikuti dan membawa kebahagiaan.
Jaga dan kendalikan indera, dengan tanpa konflik dan beban maka ketenangan terkondisi, kebahagiaan dari pelepasan bisa tercapai.
_/\_ _/\_ _/\_hapy bdy ci
haha dah 3x ngucapin ini
jahaaaaaaaaaaaaat diketawainnnnn....
umur boleh tua...tapi jiwa msh muda tuhhh wakkakaka :P
Quote from: hatRed on 10 June 2009, 08:52:39 AM
arrhhhhh...... Ketidurannn.. :'(
padahal mo buat di Seremonial.......
<:-P <:-P <:-P <:-P <:-P <:-P <:-P <:-P <:-P <:-P <:-P <:-P
Met Berdey juga ya ci Nana..... <:-P <:-P <:-P <:-P <:-P <:-P <:-P
<:-P <:-P <:-P <:-P <:-P <:-P <:-P <:-P <:-P <:-P <:-P <:-P
yang 28 yak............. 2 taon lagi kepala tiga :))
wishes nya keren boook..terhindar penderittan fisik dan batin hehehhe
selama msh manusia...segala penderitaan tak akan terhindarkaaaaannn...
anywei tq bro...
btw bus way...panggil nana aja deng....hahhahaha
Quote from: Mr.Jhonz on 10 June 2009, 01:36:29 PM
Ikut dunk
Happy b'day ci2,
semoga cici selalu berbahagia
terhindar dari penderitaan batin dan fisik
semoga semua makhluk berbahagia
:lotus: _/\_
4 x dpt gelassssss wakakakka
Quote from: chubby on 10 June 2009, 11:34:51 PM
_/\_ _/\_ _/\_hapy bdy ci
haha dah 3x ngucapin ini
Wah sori baru liat nih.
Happy B'day ya..
Mmg dalam hidup ini penuh tantangan, ada saatnya kita diatas ada juga saatnya kita dibawah tinggal bagaimana kita menyikapinya.
Salam Metta
toeeeel rain...
met kenal...
thank u very much...
g sepenuhnya sadar, semua terjadi krn kebodohan sndr, oleh diri sendiri pula semuanya hrs diberantas....dan diri sendiri pula yang dirugikan!!
that is why...make a good carma ... good condition ....
Quote from: rainier on 13 June 2009, 10:55:32 AM
Wah sori baru liat nih.
Happy B'day ya..
Mmg dalam hidup ini penuh tantangan, ada saatnya kita diatas ada juga saatnya kita dibawah tinggal bagaimana kita menyikapinya.
Salam Metta
yahhhhh
tinggal nimbruuuuuuung doank....
:(
jahaaaaaaaaat hikz!!!
Quote from: huihui on 13 June 2009, 12:10:25 PM
Quote from: Felix Thioris on 10 June 2009, 07:11:33 AM
Happy b'day, nana..
Wish u all the best <:-P
me too :-*
Happy birthday to sis Atrisna...nihhhhh bingkisan saya
(sorry ini kalu bukan gambar/photo)
QuoteList of Lincoln's failures
A common list of the failures of Abraham Lincoln
(along with a few successes) is:
* 1831 - Lost his job
* 1832 - Defeated in run for Illinois State Legislature
* 1833 - Failed in business
* 1834 - Elected to Illinois State Legislature (success)
* 1835 - Sweetheart died
* 1836 - Had nervous breakdown
* 1838 - Defeated in run for Illinois House Speaker
* 1843 - Defeated in run for nomination for U.S. Congress
* 1846 - Elected to Congress (success)
* 1848 - Lost re-nomination
* 1849 - Rejected for land officer position
* 1854 - Defeated in run for U.S. Senate
* 1856 - Defeated in run for nomination for Vice President
* 1858 - Again defeated in run for U.S. Senate
* 1860 - Elected President (success)
Abraham Lincoln yg begitu terkenal pun... bertapa banyak gagalnya...
dan yg terpenting terakhir bisa keluar menjadi sebagai sang juara...
Bila Abraham setelah dua kali gagal dan memilih berhenti...
maka ini hari pun gak ada nama presiden Amerika yg bernama Abraham..
Semoga sis Atrisna jadi pemenang.. ;D
_/\_
gue ngerti mksd u...tq
well tis is really my battle as a human...
every person has her/his problems in life...no one can bear it....but we have to face it and deal wth it...dun run...
til today, Im jobless again..n the whole of my life replay again...I keep struggling again....
PS. RALAAAAAAAAT!!! My id is aitristina...jgn diisngkat yah :P
Quote from: johan3000 on 13 June 2009, 11:03:09 PM
Happy birthday to sis Atrisna...
nihhhhh bingkisan saya
(sorry ini kalu bukan gambar/photo)
QuoteList of Lincoln's failures
A common list of the failures of Abraham Lincoln
(along with a few successes) is:
* 1831 - Lost his job
* 1832 - Defeated in run for Illinois State Legislature
* 1833 - Failed in business
* 1834 - Elected to Illinois State Legislature (success)
* 1835 - Sweetheart died
* 1836 - Had nervous breakdown
* 1838 - Defeated in run for Illinois House Speaker
* 1843 - Defeated in run for nomination for U.S. Congress
* 1846 - Elected to Congress (success)
* 1848 - Lost re-nomination
* 1849 - Rejected for land officer position
* 1854 - Defeated in run for U.S. Senate
* 1856 - Defeated in run for nomination for Vice President
* 1858 - Again defeated in run for U.S. Senate
* 1860 - Elected President (success)
Abraham Lincoln yg begitu terkenal pun... bertapa banyak gagalnya...
dan yg terpenting terakhir bisa keluar menjadi sebagai sang juara...
Bila Abraham setelah dua kali gagal dan memilih berhenti...
maka ini hari pun gak ada nama presiden Amerika yg bernama Abraham..
Semoga sis Atrisna jadi pemenang.. ;D
_/\_
aitrisna
semoga dengan bertambahnya usia
berhenti mencari di luar diri
keindahan itu ada dalam dirimu...bukan di luar
kenikmatan, kebahagian, kepuasan, kesuksesan itu di mulai dari "pikiran"
hiduplah saat ini, buang anggan-anggan yang tidak berguna
dan yang paling utama adalah "DON'T BE LAZY"
mulai saat ini lakukan yang berguna
hepie berdey too...tq 4 the greeting! :D
sebenernya, g selalu mencari didalam dan diluar diri....
karna, kesadaran bhw diri ini memilik banyak kelemahan....
Tidak akan pernah berhenti utk belajar dan berusaha utk jd yg lebih baik..better person..
back to my expr...I believe... Everything start from ur mind...THINK BIG ...and u will be BIG...
Hidup kekinian...memang benar adanya...dr apa yg dilakukan hari ini, akan menentukan apa yg terjadi di kemudian hari...jd jika hari ini berjalan dgn baik, alhasil hari bsk psti akan lebih baik lagi!!!
Seperti apa yg disampaikan film The Click...adam sandler...
Hidup saat ini...memang tdk boleh berangan2 namun harus ada planning khan? step2 apa yang jd target hidup kita...sbg arah hidup dalam melangkah kedepannya...
BE diligent....
Thanks ur wishes n ur words really remind me alot....inspire me!!!
Quote from: EVO on 15 June 2009, 07:17:09 AM
semoga dengan bertambahnya usia
berhenti mencari di luar diri
keindahan itu ada dalam dirimu...bukan di luar
kenikmatan, kebahagian, kepuasan, kesuksesan itu di mulai dari "pikiran"
hiduplah saat ini, buang anggan-anggan yang tidak berguna
dan yang paling utama adalah "DON'T BE LAZY"
mulai saat ini lakukan yang berguna