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Offline Kokuzo

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Re: Some jokes in english
« Reply #15 on: 06 September 2007, 10:26:59 AM »
=))

aduh... parah ni si ABeng... lagi donk Boss...

=))

Offline Sumedho

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Re: Some jokes in english
« Reply #16 on: 06 September 2007, 02:15:58 PM »
What they "Kong Ha Mi"?

Dear Hokkien speaking friends,

Laugh until you kee siao!Please forward to all your
Hokkien friends:

Ah Lian called big brother Ah Beng over the
telephone.
Lian: "Ah Beng kor, I can't get my new jig saw
puzzle fixed, mah-chiam all the edges cannot fix
together, lah."

Beng: "Jig saw puzzle si mi picture, ha?"

Lian: "The box show a big rooster, kanna like the
one in talkingcock.com."

Beng: "Okay, lah, okay, lah. I come over to tor-
long lu, lah."

Ah Beng arrives at Ah Lian's place, where she
happily leads him to the kitchen table where the
jigsaw puzzle is.

Ah Beng examines the puzzle and says, "Si ghee
na, si bay gong, put back the corn flakes into the
box, lah."

******************************************************
Dr. Quek made a routine house call to Mr. Lim,
one of his elderly patients.
He asks, "And how are you doing today, Mr. Lim?"
Mr. Lim replies, "I feel just fine, doc. But you
know, it's the strangest thing. Every night when I
get up to pang jio, the bathroom light goes on
for me automatically when I open the door!"
The doctor is worried that the old man is getting
senile, so he phones the man's son, and the son's
wife answers.
The doctor tells her, "Mrs. Lim, I'm a little
concerned about your father-in-law. It seems that
when he gets up to urinate at night and
opens the bathroom door, the light somehow goes
on..."
At which point, Mrs. Lim yells, "Aiyoh, Ah Seng!
Ah Pa pang jio in the fridge again!"

******************************************************
QUESTION: How do you know frogs are Hokkien?
ANSWER : Because when it's cold, they
go "kwah, kwah, kwah".

QUESTION : How do Hokkien prawns laugh?
ANSWER: Hae hae hae (hokkien for prawns)

QUESTION: How do Hokkien fish laugh?
ANSWER : Hu hu hu (hokkien for fish)
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Offline Hikoza83

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Re: Some jokes in english
« Reply #17 on: 07 September 2007, 01:52:41 AM »
A smart 1st grade school kid would answer...

A first-grade teacher, Ms Neelam (Age 28) was having trouble with one of her students the teacher asked, "Boy what is your problem?"
Boy: Answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"
Ms Neelam had enough. She took Boy to the principal's office.
While Boy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed.
Boy : was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Boy: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Boy: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Neelam and tells her, "I think Boy can go to the third-grade."
Ms Neelam says to the principal, "I have some of my own questions. Can I ask him?"
The principal and Boy both agree.
Ms Neelam asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?”
Boy: (after a moment) "Legs."
Ms Neelam: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
Boy: "Pockets."
Ms Neelam: “What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?”
Boy: “Coconut”
Ms Neelam: “What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?”
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge.
Boy: Bubblegum
Ms Neelam: “What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?”
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...
Boy: Shake hands
Ms Neelam: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Boy: Yep.
Ms Neelam: “You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.”
Boy: “Tent”
Ms Neelam: “A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.”
Boy: Wedding Ring
Ms Neelam: “I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.”
Boy: “Nose”.
Ms Neelam: “I have a stiff! shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.”
Boy: Arrow
Ms Neelam: “What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?”
Boy: Firetruck
Ms Neelam: “What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u don't get it u have to use ur hand.”
Boy: “Fork”
Ms Neelam: “What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?”
Boy: SURNAME
Ms Neelam: “What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love?”
Boy: HEART.
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, "Send this Boy to College, I got the last ten questions! Wrong myself!"

 ;D ;D ;D
Aku akan melaksanakannya dengan tubuhku,
Karena apa gunanya hanya membaca kata-kata belaka?
Apakah mempelajari obat-obatan saja
Dapat menyembuhkan yang sakit?
[Bodhicaryavatara, Bodhisattva Shantideva]

Offline Hikoza83

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Re: Some jokes in english
« Reply #18 on: 07 September 2007, 01:53:18 AM »
Latihan Pronounciation!

nih buat yg jago inggris:

...Tiga nenek sihir mengagumi tiga buah arloji merk Swatch. Nenek sihir mana melihat pada arloji Swatch yang mana...
dalam bahasa Inggris:
Three witches watch three Swatch watches. Which witch watch which Swatch watch.

ini satu lagi :
......Tiga nenek sihir biseksual mengagumi kenop-kenop dari tiga arloji Swatch. Nenek sihir biseksual mana yang memandangi kenop arloji Swatch yang mana...
Dalam bahasa Inggris (susah neh, ati-ati lidah keputer):
Three switched witches watch three Swatch watch switches. Which switched witch watch which Swatch watch switch.
Aku akan melaksanakannya dengan tubuhku,
Karena apa gunanya hanya membaca kata-kata belaka?
Apakah mempelajari obat-obatan saja
Dapat menyembuhkan yang sakit?
[Bodhicaryavatara, Bodhisattva Shantideva]

Offline Hikoza83

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Re: Some jokes in english
« Reply #19 on: 07 September 2007, 01:54:05 AM »
Daydreams (joke)

A teacher fell asleep during class one day.
After waking up, he said to his students, "I dreamt of Prince Zhou."
The next day, one of his students fell asleep in class.
The teacher woke him up with a whack of the wooden stick, saying, "How dare you fell asleep in class!"
The student said,"I dreamt of Prince Zhou, too."
"What did he say to you?"
"He said he didn't meet you yesterday."
Aku akan melaksanakannya dengan tubuhku,
Karena apa gunanya hanya membaca kata-kata belaka?
Apakah mempelajari obat-obatan saja
Dapat menyembuhkan yang sakit?
[Bodhicaryavatara, Bodhisattva Shantideva]

Offline Lex Chan

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Re: Some jokes in english
« Reply #20 on: 07 September 2007, 09:30:55 AM »
I have another tongue twister:  ;D

"Betty bought some butter, but the butter is bitter. So Betty bought some better butter to make the bitter butter better."

(Betty beli mentega, tapi menteganya pahit. Maka Betty beli mentega yang lebih baik untuk membuat mentega yang pahit menjadi lebih baik.)


One of my friend can speak it out less than 3 seconds! Wow!
Can you?  ;)
You can do it too as long as you practice it for 1-3 days..
« Last Edit: 07 September 2007, 09:44:13 AM by Lex Chan »
“Give the world the best you have and you may get hurt. Give the world your best anyway”
-Mother Teresa-

Offline Sumedho

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Re: Some jokes in english
« Reply #21 on: 07 September 2007, 09:34:22 AM »
keseleo dibagian bitter butter better :))
jadinya better butter bitter
There is no place like 127.0.0.1

Offline Sumedho

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Re: Some jokes in english
« Reply #22 on: 14 September 2007, 08:13:21 AM »
I discovered that the Chinese people
here speak Hockien where out of 10 words in a
statement, inevitably 3-4 words in that statement
are in
Bahasa Indonesia. If you think you speak perfect
Hockien, tell me what is Hockien for cockroach? or
Cucumber or Cheese? If you say /kecoa/, /timun/
and /keju/, these are actually Bahasa Indonesia
words. I asked my Chinese staff what cockroach
was in Hockien, and all of them said /kecoa/. Just
wonder if it is also called /kecoa/ in Fujian China?

> One of the strange encounters you will find at
the /rumah makan/ is that even though it is a small
coffee shop, it has a menu and issues a bill when
you pay. And on each table, one will find a roll of
toilet paper housed in a case and tooth picks. This
is a good idea as customers can clean their hands
with free "/tisu/" or toilet paper. Perhaps Medan
coffee shop owners have not learnt from the
Singapore coffee shop owners that they can get
extra income by selling proper tissue paper had
they not provided the free 'toilet roll".

> One of the good things when it comes to settling
the bill is that despite ordering your food from
different stallholders, you just need to signal
someone that you wish to pay and you just pay to
one stallholder and they settle amongst
themselves. I am not sure, though whether I have
been overcharged as I never ask the breakdown of
the cost.

> If you can drive in Medan, you can drive in any
place on earth! Fortunately, my company provides
me with a car and a driver who chauffeurs me daily
to work from home. Driving in Medan is probably
the most challenging place to drive on earth! A
Malaysian colleague told me that Singaporeans
classify Malaysian drivers as 'too bold and
aggressive'. But Malaysian drivers are
just "kittens" compared to Medan drivers. Driving in
Medan follows the rule of "First Mover Advantage",
i.e., whoever reaches a spot on the road first has
the right of way. I was amazed that my driver, who
was turning right from a road junction, got into the
middle of the opposite road and blocked the
incoming vehicles from the opposite direction. He
would probably have gotten beaten up in Singapore
if he did that. But in Medan, they waited for him to
pass without any sign of anger.

> Trying to beat red traffic lights is also a common
sight here in Medan, even in full view of the traffic
police observing the whole event. I could see the
traffic policeman shaking his head, but he did not
give the motorist a summon ticket. When I asked
my local friend why the traffic police did not issue
a summon ticket, his candid remarks were, "Why
would he want to do more work without getting any
extra money?" I have never met a more "practical"
traffic policeman! Despite all these crazy road
behaviors, there seems to be no traffic accidents
at all!

> In Singapore, drivers are not allowed to have dark-
tinted glass on their cars for security reasons, so
that people outside can see who and what is
inside the car. In Medan, it is also for security
reasons that they have tinted glass for cars. But it
is to disallow people outside to see who and what
is inside the car! I can understand why as my
neighbor who is only a high school girl sometimes
drives alone at night.

> I asked a staff member at my office to buy some
cough medicine from the apotik (Pharmacy). He
came back with some cough tablets and
antibiotics. I asked him how he managed to get
antibiotics without a doctor's prescription. His reply
was, You pay, they sell. It seems that people
here self-medicate for minor medical problems.
You can find an apotik on almost every street in
downtown Medan, just as you can find a 7-Eleven
on every street in downtown Hong Kong.
There is no place like 127.0.0.1

Offline Sumedho

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Re: Some jokes in english
« Reply #23 on: 15 September 2007, 04:38:45 PM »
Joke of the day to cheer you up...

******

*MUTHU & THE INTERVIEWER*
Interviewer : "What is your birth date?"
Muthu : "13th October."
Interviewer : "Which year?"
Muthu : "Every year."

*****

* MUTHU & HIS MANAGER*
The Manager asked Muthu at an interview....
"Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?"
Muthu replied: "P-O-S-T-B-O-X."

*****

* MUTHU & LONDON TRIP*
After returning from a foreign trip, Muthu asked his wife, "Do I
look like a foreigner?"
Wife: "No! Why?"
Muthu : "In London, a lady asked me, 'Are you a foreigner?'...that's why."
Wife : ?????????


*****
*MUTHU & TOURIST*
A tourist from U.S.A. asked Muthu whether any great man was born in his
village...
and Muthu said .. "No sir, only babies were born here."


*****

*MUTHU & HIS EXPERIMENT*
Muthu was doing an experiment with a cockroach. First he cut off one leg
and told it to "WALK! WALK!" The cockroach walked.
Then he cut off it's second leg and told the same. The cockroach walked.
Then he cut off the third leg and did the same. Finally, he cut off its
fourth leg and ordered it walk! But the cockroach didn't walk. Suddenly,
Muthu said loudly, "I found it. If we cut a
cockroach's four legs, it becomes deaf."

*****

*MUTHU & DRIVER*
When Muthu was travelling with his wife in a motorized tricycle, the driver
adjusted the mirror.
Muthu shouted, "You are trying to see my wife, eh?
Sit in the back. I will drive."

*****

* MUTHU GOES TO HOTEL*
Muthu went into a hotel. To wash his hands, he went to the washbasin.
Then when he had finished, he started washing the basin.
Seeing this, the manager asked what was he doing. Muthu pointed towards
the signboard "*WASH BASIN* "

*****

*MUTHU & INTERVIEWER - FINAL PART*
Interviewer : "Just imagine you're in the 20th floor of a building and
it's on fire. How will you escape?"
Muthu: "It's simple.. I will just stop my imagination."

*****

At a political rally, Muthu was arrested. Why ????????????
Because a lady journalist with a badge which read "*PRESS*" pinned on the
right part of her blouse walked past him... and he did it!
There is no place like 127.0.0.1

Offline Sumedho

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Re: Some jokes in english
« Reply #24 on: 18 September 2007, 10:23:11 AM »


Jack, a smart businessman, talks to his son.

Jack: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : "I will choose my own bride!"
Jack: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case..."

Next Jack approaches Bill Gates.

Jack: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Jack: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case..."

Finally Jack goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Jack: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Jack: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case..."

This is how business is done!!
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Offline Sumedho

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Re: Some jokes in english
« Reply #25 on: 18 September 2007, 10:23:40 AM »
>A family in the Southern Province of China, were puzzled when the coffin of
>their dead grandmother arrived from the States. It was sent by one of the
>daughters. The dead body was so tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no
>space left in it! When they opened the lid, they found a letter on top;
>which read as follows:
>
>Dear Cousins,
>I am sending Ahma body to you since it was her wish that she should be
>cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in Tung Shin. Sorry, I could
>not come along as all of my paid leaves are consumed. You will find inside
>the coffin, under Ahma's body, 12 cans of Yohmeitsu, 10 packets of Swiss
>chocolates ! and packets of Chinatown Lap Cheong. Please divide these among
>all of you. On Ahma's feet you will find a new pair of Nike Air shoes (size
>10) for Ah boy.
>Also, there are 2 pairs of shoes for Ah Mei's and Ah Lien's sons. Hope the
>sizes are correct. Ahma is wearing 6 CK T-Shirts. The large size is for Ah
>Bak and the others are for my nephews. Just distribute them among
>yourselves. The 2 new Armani Jeans that Ahma is wearing are for the boys.
>The Rolex watch that Lee Ah Bai wanted is on Ahma's left wrist.
>Kiasu Aunty Pei Pei, Ahma is wearing the Tiffany necklace, earrings and
>ring that you asked for. Please take them.
>The 6 white Polo cotton socks that Ahma is wearing must be divided among my
>teenage cousins. Let me know what else you need as Ah Kong is also not
>keeping well nowadays..
>I can send all required things when our Ah Kong goes back too........
There is no place like 127.0.0.1

Offline Sumedho

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Re: Some jokes in english
« Reply #26 on: 18 September 2007, 10:24:02 AM »
Chu Kang ( PCK ) explaining sex to Chu Beng's son, Aloysius

Chu Kang ( PCK ) explaining sex to Chu Beng's son, Aloysius
Aloy : Why is making love so  enjoyable ?
PCK : Aiyah, ah boy, enjolable becaws, same like when you dig your nose
with your finger mah !
Aloy : Do you think women enjoy sex more than men ?
 PCK : Of course woman lah ! When you dig dig your nose, your nose feel
better than your finger, right ?
Aloy : Why do women hate it when they get raped ?
PCK : Ai-yah ! Say, you walk along the load, den someone come over and dig
your nose, you like or not ? Ehhh ? Don't pray pray ah !
Aloy : Why is it a woman cannot have sex when she is having her menses?
PCK : Oy !! If your nose bleeding, you still go and dig meh?? Siow ah ! Use
your blain, use your blainnn ..........
Aloy : Why is it most men don't like wearing condoms when they are making
love ?
PCK : Ehhhh, when you dig your nose ah, you like to dig with a glove on
your finger or not ? Not the same shiok feeling mah.  Corlight or not?
Aloy : Why is making love carried out in private ?
PCK : Ah boyyyyy, use your blain, use your blainnnnn .....................
you
go and dig your nose in flont of your whole class izit ?? Stupid lah!!
Aloy : Wah ...... Uncle Chu Kang, you are very good.
PCK : Aiyah ...... ," Best in Singapore, JB, some say Batam, and now, the
 whole world!" also ah!!!
There is no place like 127.0.0.1

Offline Sumedho

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Re: Some jokes in english
« Reply #27 on: 18 September 2007, 10:26:22 AM »
Titanik

Scene 1:
Jack: Hey chio eh? Me teach you an chua fly, want or not?
Rose: Mai lah. I scare leh.
Jack: No need scare leh, lai I teach you.
Rose: Don't lar, me really scare leh.
Jack: Lai lar, stand on the railing, then I hug you.
Rose: Like that huh?
Jack: Yah, then hor, spread ur arms... Wah lau eh, why
so smelly one?
Rose: Kan ni na... You say my armpit smell ah!
Jack: Wah I bey tar han already lar!
 Jack fainted & both fell into the sea.

 Scroll down for more Titanic jokes...

 Scene 2:
One fine day, late at night, Jack Duakang was on the deck of Titanic
when he
heard some loud footsteps. He looked to see what was going
> on, and he saw a super chio about to jump off the deck. He walked over
and
> tried to persuade her not to jump.

 Jack: Chio eh, lee si an zua? So late dun sleep do what?
What's your name?
Rose: My name is Mei Kui, but people call me Rose.
Jack: Nah Beh... Why you so chio, but your name like the
> > mamasan at Zhong Guo Chen (China City).


 Rose: Shut-up lah you, I now want to jump.
Jack: Why jump? Siao ah you, so chio jump for what?
Rose: Aiyah why you so kaypo? I jump you jump?
Jack: Wah lau, don't lah aiyah.

 So Jack continued to persuade her for a few hours. After three hours...

 Jack: Eh don't jump leh, don't lah, siao ah you?
Rose: Aiyah, you talk for three hours liao, buay sian meh??
Jack: Ya lor, I think oso a bit sian liao. So, please lah,
> > don't jump lah. Rose: Shut-up I am really jumping liao.

 Jack was tired, so he stopped persuading...

 Rose: I really jump ah, really ah? Really leh. I am not
> joking leh. I jump ah!!!

 Jack was very du lan after wasting so much time. So, he
> kicked Rose's Ka Ch'ng and sent her into her watery grave.

 Jack: Nah beh, want to jump, jump lah. Nah beh waste my time.

 Then Jack turned around and he saw the second most beautiful girl on
the ship....

 Jack: Oei Chio eh, what's your name?
Hibiscus: Me Hibiscus lor. I saw you kick my
sister.Hahahahahahhh! Thank you hor.  She always steal my boyfliends
one.

So Jack and Hibiscus live happily ever after...
There is no place like 127.0.0.1

Offline Sumedho

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Re: Some jokes in english
« Reply #28 on: 18 September 2007, 06:24:11 PM »
      Actual call center conversations!

       This has to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think
this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is  a true story from
the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording
monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the  Help Desk
employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect
organization for "Termination without Cause."
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support
employee.
(Now I  know why they record these conversations!):
        Operator:         "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
        Caller:              "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
        Operator:         "What sort of trouble??"
        Caller:              "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a
                                   sudden the words went away."
        Operator:         "Went away?"
        Caller:              "They disappeared."
        Operator:         "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
        Caller:              "Nothing."
        Operator:         "Nothing??"
        Caller:              "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
       Operator:         "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
       Caller:              "How do I tell?"
       Operator:         "Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen??"
       Caller:              "What's a sea-prompt?"
        Operator:         "Never mind, can you move your cursor around
                                   the screen?"
       Caller:              "There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
      Operator:         "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
      Caller:              "What's a monitor?"
      Operator:         "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it

                                  have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
       Caller:           "I don't know."
       Operator:          "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power

                                    cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
       Caller:              "Yes, I think so."
      Operator:         "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
       Caller:              "Yes, it is."
       Operator:         "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two

                                  cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
       Caller:               "No."
       Operator:      "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
       Caller:               "Okay, here it is."
       Operator:          "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
      Caller:               "I can't reach."
      Operator:          "OK. Well, can you see if it is??"
       Caller:               "No."
      Operator:          "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"
     Caller:               "Well, it' s not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark."
      Operator:          "Dark??"
      Caller:               "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
      Operator:           "Well, turn on the office light then."
      Caller:               "I can't."
       Operator:          "No? Why not??"
       Caller:               "Because there's a power failure."
      Operator:           "A power .... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still

                                   have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in??"
       Caller:              "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
     Operator:           "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when

                                you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
     Caller:                 "Really? Is it that bad?"
     Operator:            'Yes, I'm afraid it is."
      Caller:                  "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
    Operator:           "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!!!"
There is no place like 127.0.0.1

Offline Hikoza83

  • KalyanaMitta
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Re: Some jokes in english
« Reply #29 on: 26 September 2007, 09:41:32 PM »
StReSsss ReLieVeR

Stress Reliever #1
Wife : You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Hubby : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife : You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Hubby : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"

Stress Reliever # 2
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.

Stress Reliever # 3
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

Stress Reliever # 4
Wife to husband: "What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?"
Husband to wife: "Golfing with friends, my dear."
Wife to husband: "What? At 2 am?!"
Husband to wife: "Yes, We used night clubs."

Stress Reliever # 5
Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

Stress Reliever # 6
A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
"My father grows beans," said one student.
"My father cooks beans," said another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."

Stress Reliever # 7
Interviewer to Millionaire: "To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire to?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"

Stress Reliever # 8
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.

Stress Reliever # 9
A husband was asked: Do you talk to your wife after sex?
He replied: Depends, if I can find a phone.

Stress Reliever # 10
Man to wife on wedding night: Are you sure I'm the first man you are sleeping with?
Wife replied: Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others!

Stress Reliever # 11
Why did they stop printing PAMELA ANDERSON stamps in the U.S. ?
Answer: Because people started licking the wrong side.

Stress Reliever # 12
A wife asked her husband: What do you like most in me - my pretty face or my sexy body?
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: I like your sense of humour.

Stress Reliever # 13
Doctor to his lady patient: You look terribly weak and exhausted! Are you having your meals three times a day as I have advised?
Lady replied: Doctor, I thought you said three males a day
Aku akan melaksanakannya dengan tubuhku,
Karena apa gunanya hanya membaca kata-kata belaka?
Apakah mempelajari obat-obatan saja
Dapat menyembuhkan yang sakit?
[Bodhicaryavatara, Bodhisattva Shantideva]

 

anything