Author Topic: Buddhist Humour (Read 25614 times)

langitbiru · « **on:** 12 July 2007, 06:36:33 PM »

Seorang bhikkhu dan seorang umat sedang bermeditasi,
tiba2 ada seekor nyamuk terbang mengelilingi mereka.
sang Bhikkhu dgn hati2 menangkap nyamuk itu dgn tangannya, lalu membawa keluar jendela, dan melepaskannya.
Umat : "Astaga, untuk masalah sepele itu, kok repot amat? bunuh saja langsung"
Bhikkhu : "Astaga, untuk masalah sepele itu, kok melakukan pembunuhan"

*disadur dr postingan seseorg di forum tetangga, kl orgnya dah register, post yg asli dunk*

langitbiru · « **Reply #1 on:** 12 July 2007, 06:43:10 PM »

Following an incident where US soldiers allegedly flushed a copy of the Koran down a toilet, Ajahn Brahm was asked what he would do if someone flushed a Buddhist holy book down a toilet.

"Call a plumber."

*dicopy dr The man behind the mission - Ajahn Brahm(

El Sol · « **Reply #2 on:** 13 July 2007, 11:08:07 AM »

kocak ^^ nice job mbak!!

morpheus · « **Reply #3 on:** 13 July 2007, 12:53:00 PM »

three most important rings in human's life:
1. engagement ring
2. wedding ring
3. suffer.... ring

langitbiru · « **Reply #4 on:** 13 July 2007, 01:09:44 PM »

el sol : thanks, ayo..sumbang-sumbang

morpheus :

lu dah sampe suffer... ring blm?

Forte · « **Reply #5 on:** 13 July 2007, 03:28:13 PM »

Suffer .. ring..

Ngakak mode on.. d

Fei Lun Hai · « **Reply #6 on:** 01 August 2007, 11:45:37 AM »

Quote from: Hedi Kasmanto on 13 July 2007, 03:28:13 PM

Suffer .. ring.. Ngakak mode on.. d

Emangnya lucu ya?

Sumedho · « **Reply #7 on:** 01 August 2007, 11:49:48 AM »

wah gimana jelasin-nya yah ?

langitbiru · « **Reply #8 on:** 01 August 2007, 01:37:54 PM »

hal yg sulit dijelaskan emang rasa

mencoba untuk melogika-kan :
1 dan 2 maksudnya akhiran -ring adalah cincin
shg pikiran kita membayangkan cincin.
tp ke 3 justru penderitaan
kebayang lucunya?

Forte · « **Reply #9 on:** 01 August 2007, 06:36:51 PM »

Bro MAITRI kadang terlalu serius..

Fei Lun Hai · « **Reply #10 on:** 03 August 2007, 12:14:27 PM »

Quote from: Hedi Kasmanto on 01 August 2007, 06:36:51 PM

Bro MAITRI kadang terlalu serius..

Masa sih?

Kebod · « **Reply #11 on:** 26 August 2007, 12:56:46 PM »

Yang lucu2 lagi donk...

Lex Chan · « **Reply #12 on:** 27 August 2007, 08:53:57 PM »

Kalau umat lain bawa kitab suci setiap kebaktian,
kita sebagai umat Buddhis beruntung karena tidak wajib bawa seluruh kitab suci...

Fei Lun Hai · « **Reply #13 on:** 29 August 2007, 10:22:31 AM »

Quote from: Lex Chan on 27 August 2007, 08:53:57 PM

Kalau umat lain bawa kitab suci setiap kebaktian, kita sebagai umat Buddhis beruntung karena tidak wajib bawa seluruh kitab suci...

Kalau kita bawa SELURUH kitab suci setiap kebaktian bisa modar atuh

HokBen · « **Reply #14 on:** 29 August 2007, 10:29:48 AM »

Quote from: Metti on 29 August 2007, 10:22:31 AM

Quote from: Lex Chan on 27 August 2007, 08:53:57 PM
Kalau umat lain bawa kitab suci setiap kebaktian, kita sebagai umat Buddhis beruntung karena tidak wajib bawa seluruh kitab suci...

Kalau kita bawa SELURUH kitab suci setiap kebaktian bisa modar atuh

bisa aja, masing2 umat bawa dvd kira2 200 biji, pake backpack buat naek gunung ama laptop satu. ntar kalo mau ceramah sand Dharmaduta bilang :
"Bacaan firman Sang Buddha hari ini kita ambil dari DVD ke 134, folder 25 file ke 257."

Fei Lun Hai · « **Reply #15 on:** 29 August 2007, 11:39:20 AM »

HokBen bisa aja deh

langitbiru · « **Reply #16 on:** 29 August 2007, 01:27:10 PM »

*gubraks*

yg jualan laptop laku berat

Pooh · « **Reply #17 on:** 29 August 2007, 02:18:00 PM »

Si Soleh, yang disayangi Tuhan, datang menghadap-Nya.

“Tuhanku,” haturnya,

“mengapa paduka memberi Usman foto-Mu yang sama sekali berbeda dengan
foto-Mu yang hamba potret langsung tempo hari?”, dalam nada protes.

“Bukan Aku yang memberinya. Dia sendirilah yang memotret-Ku ketika
itu”, jawab Tuhan.

“Baiklah, Tuhan-ku.....Tapi kenapa Paduka mempertunjukkan wajah
Paduka yang lain kepadanya, sehingga kami sempat bertengkar hebat
karenanya?” gugat Soleh.

“Anak-Ku....aku tak pernah memperlihatkan wajah yang lain kepada
siapapun. Kamera kalianlah yang berbeda-beda.”

langitbiru · « **Reply #18 on:** 29 August 2007, 02:49:44 PM »

http://www.do-not-zzz.com/

lucu tuh, flash ttg zen

Lex Chan · « **Reply #19 on:** 29 August 2007, 06:10:55 PM »

Quote from: Lex Chan on 27 August 2007, 08:53:57 PM

Kalau umat lain bawa kitab suci setiap kebaktian,
kita sebagai umat Buddhis beruntung karena tidak wajib bawa seluruh kitab suci...

Quote from: HokBen on 29 August 2007, 10:29:48 AM

bisa aja, masing2 umat bawa dvd kira2 200 biji, pake backpack buat naek gunung ama laptop satu. ntar kalo mau ceramah sand Dharmaduta bilang :
"Bacaan firman Sang Buddha hari ini kita ambil dari DVD ke 134, folder 25 file ke 257."

Saya pernah baca buku silsilah Sammasambuddha..
Menurut buku itu, usia seorang Sammasambuddha itu bervariasi.
Ada Sammasambuddha yang hidup sampai 10.000 tahun.. (CMIIW).

Coba bayangkan, Buddha Gotama yang membabarkan Dhamma selama 45 tahun saja jika dijadikan kitab suci sudah sebanyak itu.. Bagaimana dengan Sammasambuddha lainnya yang membabarkan Dhamma lebih lama lagi (daripada Buddha Gotama)?

Benar-benar beruntung, tidak disuruh bawa-bawa kitab suci setiap kebaktian...

Sumedho · « **Reply #20 on:** 29 August 2007, 06:27:25 PM »

kalo sammasambuddha-nya 10.000 tahun si 'ananda' nya harus pakai laptop

Pooh · « **Reply #21 on:** 30 August 2007, 02:11:22 PM »

Tukang Daging dan Ibu-ibu Sakit Gigi

Suatu pagi lewatlah seorang penjual daging."Dageeeng! Dageeeeennngg! !!"
teriaknya. Seorang ibu rumah tangga yang sedang sakit gigi sewot banget
mendengarteriakan si tukang daging.
Ibu: "Hei tukang daging! Lu kagak punya otak ya....!!!???"
Tukang daging : "Wah kebetulan gak punya, Bu. Hari ini daging semua..."

Lex Chan · « **Reply #22 on:** 02 September 2007, 10:16:19 AM »

Quote from: Sumedho on 29 August 2007, 06:27:25 PM

kalo sammasambuddha-nya 10.000 tahun si 'ananda' nya harus pakai laptop

Pakai laptop buat merekam khotbah secara digital, terus formatnya di-convert ke mp3 biar irit.. Kalau perlu bawa mobile hard disk cadangan kalo udah penuh. Juga bawa genset buat recharge baterai laptopnya. Oh ya, karena genset perlu BBM, maka juga bawa tangki BBM..

Kok jadi ribet amat ya?

Fei Lun Hai · « **Reply #23 on:** 03 September 2007, 11:20:14 AM »

Quote from: Lex Chan on 02 September 2007, 10:16:19 AM

Kok jadi ribet amat ya?

Yg bikin ribet siapa hayo?

Lex Chan · « **Reply #24 on:** 02 October 2007, 07:24:17 AM »

Brahma digambarkan punya 4 wajah (depan-belakang-kanan-kiri), kalau tidur bagaimana ya?
Salah satu mukanya ketutupan bantal dong...

Umat Awam · « **Reply #25 on:** 02 October 2007, 10:43:45 AM »

Quote from: Lex Chan on 02 October 2007, 07:24:17 AM

Brahma digambarkan punya 4 wajah (depan-belakang-kanan-kiri), kalau tidur bagaimana ya?
Salah satu mukanya ketutupan bantal dong...

Saya ngakak nih

Hikoza83 · « **Reply #26 on:** 02 October 2007, 12:27:13 PM »

Quote from: Lex Chan on 02 October 2007, 07:24:17 AM

Brahma digambarkan punya 4 wajah (depan-belakang-kanan-kiri), kalau tidur bagaimana ya?
Salah satu mukanya ketutupan bantal dong...

tidurnya berdiri di tempat.

By : Zen

williamhalim · « **Reply #27 on:** 02 October 2007, 08:13:38 PM »

Sikap Buddhist

Seorang umat Buddha dari negara barat sedang belajar dengan gurunya di India.

Ketika sedang menaiki kereta kuda bersama temannya, tiba2 seorang lelaki tak dikenal, datang dan menyerangnya. Pada akhirnya, si penyerang itu hanya menakut-nakuti mereka, Akan tetapi, si umat Buddha dari barat itu merasa agak kesal dan kemudian menceritakannya kepada gurunya.

Selanjutnya dia menanyakan kepada gurunya, reaksi yg tepat sesuai dengan ajaran Buddha untuk menghadapi kejadian serupa.

Dengan entengnya gurunya menjawab "Kau seharusnya, secara sadar dan dengan penuh belas kasihan, memukul penyerang itu dengan tongkatmu tepat di kepalanya"

dikutip dari: Humor Zen, p. 46

oddiezz · « **Reply #28 on:** 03 November 2007, 10:48:58 AM »

A Zen Buddhist opened up a hot-dog stand and his first customer paid with a £20 note.

After waiting, the customer demanded, "Where's my change?"

"Sir," replied the Buddhist, "change must come from within."

oddiezz · « **Reply #29 on:** 03 November 2007, 10:50:54 AM »

A paratrooper was scared to jump. His instructor told him, "If anything goes wrong, say, `Buddha oh Buddha' and you will be saved."

The paratrooper got so scared that he forgot to pull his rip cord. So he said, "Buddha oh Buddha," and a hand came out and saved him.

He said, "Thank God," and he was dropped.

ajan · « **Reply #30 on:** 05 November 2007, 02:46:29 PM »

Quote from: Pooh on 30 August 2007, 02:11:22 PM

Tukang Daging dan Ibu-ibu Sakit Gigi

Suatu pagi lewatlah seorang penjual daging."Dageeeng! Dageeeeennngg! !!"
teriaknya. Seorang ibu rumah tangga yang sedang sakit gigi sewot banget
mendengarteriakan si tukang daging.
Ibu: "Hei tukang daging! Lu kagak punya otak ya....!!!???"
Tukang daging : "Wah kebetulan gak punya, Bu. Hari ini daging semua..."

wakakakaka...lucu...lucu

morpheus · « **Reply #31 on:** 12 November 2007, 04:46:27 PM »

*this is not a true story*

when the dalai lama was in US, he saw a hot dog stall. since he's hungry, he decided to buy a hot dog...

dalai lama: "may I have one hot dog please...?"
hot dog guy: "what do you want? onion, mustard, chili, ketchup or pickle?"
dalai lama: "Make me one with everything"
hot dog guy: "ok" *making the hot dog* "here you go.. $7.50"
dalai lama: "thanks" and he gave $20
dalai lama kept waiting for the change... waiting... waiting... but the guy did not give the change
dalai lama: "Hey where's my change?"
hot dog guy: "i can't give it to you. change must come from within"

jamescoa · « **Reply #32 on:** 31 December 2007, 06:41:09 PM »

Quote from: morpheus on 12 November 2007, 04:46:27 PM

*this is not a true story*

when the dalai lama was in US, he saw a hot dog stall. since he's hungry, he decided to buy a hot dog...

dalai lama: "may I have one hot dog please...?"
hot dog guy: "what do you want? onion, mustard, chili, ketchup or pickle?"
dalai lama: "Make me one with everything"
hot dog guy: "ok" *making the hot dog* "here you go.. $7.50"
dalai lama: "thanks" and he gave $20
dalai lama kept waiting for the change... waiting... waiting... but the guy did not give the change
dalai lama: "Hey where's my change?"
hot dog guy: "i can't give it to you. change must come from within"

Pitu Kecil · « **Reply #33 on:** 01 January 2008, 10:01:57 PM »

kalo sammasambuddha-nya 10.000 tahun si 'ananda' nya harus pakai laptop -> Ditambah HardDisk Mesti 500 Giga

Pitu Kecil · « **Reply #34 on:** 01 January 2008, 10:04:27 PM »

Quote from: ajan on 05 November 2007, 02:46:29 PM

Quote from: Pooh on 30 August 2007, 02:11:22 PM
Tukang Daging dan Ibu-ibu Sakit Gigi

Suatu pagi lewatlah seorang penjual daging."Dageeeng! Dageeeeennngg! !!"
teriaknya. Seorang ibu rumah tangga yang sedang sakit gigi sewot banget
mendengarteriakan si tukang daging.
Ibu: "Hei tukang daging! Lu kagak punya otak ya....!!!???"
Tukang daging : "Wah kebetulan gak punya, Bu. Hari ini daging semua..."

wakakakaka...lucu...lucu

busyet buat saya ketawa kayak orang gila

Pitu Kecil · « **Reply #35 on:** 01 January 2008, 10:06:42 PM »

Quote from: jamescoa on 31 December 2007, 06:41:09 PM

Quote from: morpheus on 12 November 2007, 04:46:27 PM
*this is not a true story*

when the dalai lama was in US, he saw a hot dog stall. since he's hungry, he decided to buy a hot dog...

dalai lama: "may I have one hot dog please...?"
hot dog guy: "what do you want? onion, mustard, chili, ketchup or pickle?"
dalai lama: "Make me one with everything"
hot dog guy: "ok" *making the hot dog* "here you go.. $7.50"
dalai lama: "thanks" and he gave $20
dalai lama kept waiting for the change... waiting... waiting... but the guy did not give the change
dalai lama: "Hey where's my change?"
hot dog guy: "i can't give it to you. change must come from within"

jika ditambah 1 lagi lelucon saya bisa

Ginny · « **Reply #36 on:** 02 January 2008, 02:35:08 AM »

Thx buat semua yang dah posting ya lucu-lucu disini.
Terus berkarya ya. ginny tunggu karya-karya berikutnya

Pitu Kecil · « **Reply #37 on:** 02 January 2008, 04:31:24 PM »

Karya Ginny juga donk

oddiezz · « **Reply #38 on:** 31 January 2008, 02:56:01 PM »

Q: How many Zen buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they are the light bulb.

oddiezz · « **Reply #39 on:** 31 January 2008, 02:56:33 PM »

Q: How many Zen buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three -- one to change it, one to not-change it and one to both change- and not-change it.

oddiezz · « **Reply #40 on:** 31 January 2008, 02:57:06 PM »

Q: How many Zen buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Tree falling in the forest.

Lex Chan · « **Reply #41 on:** 31 January 2008, 09:12:50 PM »

Is there anybody can help me to understand the last 3 jokes?
Kelas berat banget..

oddiezz · « **Reply #42 on:** 01 February 2008, 09:09:27 AM »

Quote from: Lex Chan on 31 January 2008, 09:12:50 PM

Is there anybody can help me to understand the last 3 jokes?
Kelas berat banget..

hehe..pernah baca light bulb jokes khan ?
biasanya digunakan untuk menyindir org2 tertentu,
misalnya ..
Q: How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, but he is never around when you need him.

untuk menyindir kalo polisi jarang ada kalo lagi dibutuhkan.

then..
joke pertama..
Q: How many Zen buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they are the light bulb.

untuk menyindir, bahwa Buddhist itu lah light bulb it sendiri,
Buddhist itu sendirilah Buddha ( ato calon Buddha )

Huiono · « **Reply #43 on:** 01 February 2008, 09:12:31 PM »

wow...
Lucu... lucu...
Lagi dunk...

Lex Chan · « **Reply #44 on:** 01 February 2008, 11:00:51 PM »

Quote from: oddiezz on 01 February 2008, 09:09:27 AM

then..
joke pertama..
Q: How many Zen buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they are the light bulb.

untuk menyindir, bahwa Buddhist itu lah light bulb it sendiri,
Buddhist itu sendirilah Buddha ( ato calon Buddha )

Yang pertama udah ngerti..

Yang dua lainnya?

oddiezz · « **Reply #45 on:** 02 February 2008, 08:06:11 AM »

Quote from: Lex Chan on 01 February 2008, 11:00:51 PM

Quote from: oddiezz on 01 February 2008, 09:09:27 AM
then..
joke pertama..
Q: How many Zen buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they are the light bulb.

untuk menyindir, bahwa Buddhist itu lah light bulb it sendiri,
Buddhist itu sendirilah Buddha ( ato calon Buddha )

Yang pertama udah ngerti..
Yang dua lainnya?

yang kedua,
ttg tidak ada jawaban yang pasti benar dalam Zen, tergantung dari tingkat pencerahan seseorang.

yang ketiga,
sering kali dalam ko'an Zen, seseorang mencapai pencerahan saat diberi jawaban atau petunjuk yang sama sekali tidak ada hubungannya dengan pertanyaan.
misalnya: saat Gutei mengangkat jari telunjuknya, bocah yang dipotong jarinya mencapai pencerahan...

semoga bermanfaat

Sumedho · « **Reply #46 on:** 02 February 2008, 03:13:53 PM »

sadis bener sampai potong jari.

kalau dipotong jari tapi nga mencapai pencerahan, wahh bisa runyam tuh

Sunkmanitu Tanka Ob'waci · « **Reply #47 on:** 02 February 2008, 04:47:59 PM »

kalau potong leher langsung pencerahan?

Sumedho · « **Reply #48 on:** 02 February 2008, 07:20:07 PM »

yah namanya aja cerita, aye ragu kalo itu beneran....

oddiezz · « **Reply #49 on:** 04 February 2008, 11:25:47 AM »

Quote from: Sumedho on 02 February 2008, 03:13:53 PM

sadis bener sampai potong jari.

kalau dipotong jari tapi nga mencapai pencerahan, wahh bisa runyam tuh

jadi kesulitan kalo ngetik reply di DC

oddiezz · « **Reply #50 on:** 05 February 2008, 01:57:25 PM »

A Christian, a Muslim and a Buddhist die and arrive at the Gate of Heaven. An angel (or deva) stops them and asks, “Why do you come here? Can you tell me the reasons why you are allowed to enter Heaven?”

The Christian replies, “My ancestors disobeyed God, and I sinned all my life: I killed, I lied, I cheated my wife and I was greedy. However, died for me and all my sins are forgiven. So I deserve to enter Heaven.”

“OK,” replies the Angel. “Sounds good, but I must give you an entrance examination before you can enter.” The Christian promptly agrees and the Angel asks him: “How do you spell God?” It is an easy question, and the Christian passes through the Gate.

Next came the Muslim, who says, “I did not do any especially good or evil things during my life but I was very devout. I prayed to God five times a day. So, I too should enter Heaven.” The Angel replies, “It sounds OK to me, but I have to give you a test also. How do you spell Allah?” The Muslim passes the test and enters Heaven.

Finally, it is the Buddhist’s turn. He tells the Angel, “I’ve done all the good things in my life and I followed Buddha’s five precepts: I never killed, I donated to charities, I meditated every day, and I never cheated my boss nor my customers.” The Angel replies, “That is very good, but there are no exceptions. You must pass the entrance test also in order to get in.” Thinking that the test should be simple, the Buddhist happily agrees.

The Angel then asks him: “How do you spell Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva?”

oddiezz · « **Reply #51 on:** 13 February 2008, 08:20:21 AM »

This morning, I received one of those rude mails. The person wrote me this one-line mail:

"budda is dead you moron move on with your life"

And I replied:

"You are alive, friend, move on with Buddha's death."

- Tan Chade Meng-

Forte · « **Reply #52 on:** 13 February 2008, 10:07:24 AM »

Quote from: oddiezz on 05 February 2008, 01:57:25 PM

A Christian, a Muslim and a Buddhist die and arrive at the Gate of Heaven. An angel (or deva) stops them and asks, “Why do you come here? Can you tell me the reasons why you are allowed to enter Heaven?”

The Christian replies, “My ancestors disobeyed God, and I sinned all my life: I killed, I lied, I cheated my wife and I was greedy. However, died for me and all my sins are forgiven. So I deserve to enter Heaven.”

“OK,” replies the Angel. “Sounds good, but I must give you an entrance examination before you can enter.” The Christian promptly agrees and the Angel asks him: “How do you spell God?” It is an easy question, and the Christian passes through the Gate.

Next came the Muslim, who says, “I did not do any especially good or evil things during my life but I was very devout. I prayed to God five times a day. So, I too should enter Heaven.” The Angel replies, “It sounds OK to me, but I have to give you a test also. How do you spell Allah?” The Muslim passes the test and enters Heaven.

Finally, it is the Buddhist’s turn. He tells the Angel, “I’ve done all the good things in my life and I followed Buddha’s five precepts: I never killed, I donated to charities, I meditated every day, and I never cheated my boss nor my customers.” The Angel replies, “That is very good, but there are no exceptions. You must pass the entrance test also in order to get in.” Thinking that the test should be simple, the Buddhist happily agrees.

The Angel then asks him: “How do you spell Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva?”

Quote from: oddiezz on 13 February 2008, 08:20:21 AM

This morning, I received one of those rude mails. The person wrote me this one-line mail:

"budda is dead you moron move on with your life"

And I replied:

"You are alive, friend, move on with Buddha's death."

- Tan Chade Meng-

Nice joke bro..